10 Things to Let Go Of, to Reach Your Biggest Goals
“There’s a huge disconnect between where I am, and where I want to be. How can I bridge the gap and move forward?”
Most of us pursue big goals by upping our effort – striving, pursuing, and making things happen. But what if the first step to receiving and actually moving forward towards what we want, was letting go of something else?
We all hold tightly to things we think we need… other people’s approval, a feeling of certainty about the future... in our caveman days, these things kept us safe and alive…
But now, our success and happiness depend on our ability to know when it’s time to let go. So here are 10 things to let go of, to move forward and get what you want!
1. Approval
We all crave the approval and acceptance of others; it’s in our biology! Ages ago, being in the good graces of others meant our place in the group was secure and our survival was more likely.
That’s no longer the case – other people’s disapproval is much less of a survival threat – but we can still easily fall into the trap of making big life choices based on other people’s expectations.
If you’re craving more freedom and fulfillment, it’s time to release the need for approval, get clear on your own true values, and let them be your compass for making decisions that are truly aligned for you!
💭Question: Whose approval have I been trying to earn, at the expense of my own fulfillment?
☀️Affirmation: "I choose to make myself proud with choices aligned with my values."
2. Safety
The “safety first!” mantra is great when we’re learning to cross the street or ride a bike... but over time we can start applying it to everything in life, and even absorb the idea that minimizing risk is all that matters.
Maybe you had a parent who urged you to choose a safe, practical career path instead of your true passion. Maybe they balked when you chose a course of study that seemed impractical to them, or when you decided to leave a steady 9-to-5 job to pursue your dream.
You may still hold yourself back from taking risks because the status quo feels safer and more certain – but those fears and limitations aren’t yours. They’re ones you inherited from a parent or from the society around you!
Clinging to safety may shield us from pain, discomfort, disappointment, or heartache... but the biggest rewards in life need us to step outside our comfort zone! So sometimes we have to let go of feeling safe, to finally make progress in a direction that’s fulfilling for us.
💭Question: What is the worst that might happen if I take this next step?
☀️Affirmation: "I embrace change, and choose courage over comfort.”
3. Old stories
As we grow up, we all learn stories about who we are, what we’re capable of, and how the world works. Sometimes we inherit these stories from other people:
“Making money requires lots of hard, tedious work.” – Dad
“If I don’t make the safe choice, something bad will happen.” – Mom
“If I’m vulnerable, someone will try to take advantage of me.” – Grandma
...and sometimes we write these stories based on events we experience:
You were put in timeout for dancing at lunchtime >> “If I express myself, I’ll get in trouble.”
A family member disowned you >> “The world is an unforgiving place.”
You spent several years in a low-paying job >> “My time is worthless.”
These unhelpful stories can shape your life for years, building more and higher fences around you to block off areas that are unsafe, impossible, or not meant for you… until you find yourself in a life that feels very small and unsatisfying.
Think about the stories you’ve inherited, or written on your own based on events in your life… and ask yourself whether they truly serve you. It may be time to release those stories and write new ones more aligned with the future you want to create!
💭Question: What unhelpful stories am I believing about myself or the world?
☀️Affirmation: "There are no limits in my life. I can be, do, and have what I desire.”
4. Past / future
It’s easy to spend your entire life living in the past or the future, and never really experiencing the now – which, as Eckhart Tolle wrote, is the only thing we ever truly have.
At the end of this life, will you wish you had spent more time thinking about the past and the future? Or will you wish you had spent more time embracing the present moment?
When we dwell on our memory’s reconstruction of the past, or our imagination’s projection of the future, the present moment slips by, wasted and unlived.
Even activities that heal our past, or improve our future, can only ever happen in the present. You can’t go to therapy in the past, or plan your next launch in the future. You can only do it now!
So practice releasing the past and the future, and embrace the present moment and all of its limitless potential.
💭Question: Where does my mind wander when I forget to remain in the present?
☀️Affirmation: "I am in the here and now. I see the magic in this present moment.”
5. Control
We all love the feeling of being in control – knowing that we’re calling the shots and deciding what happens next!
But if control were all that mattered, we’d all stay in our air conditioned homes, socialize with the same predictable people our entire lives, and do the same thing every day – because we feel confident and know we can control the outcome.
There’s a whole wide world out there! And the best adventures, discoveries, and breakthroughs happen in spaces where we don’t get to control the outcome, how people will react, or where the path will lead.
You want to publish a book? You can’t control what the publisher will say; all you can do is submit your ideas and keep writing because you love it.
You want to launch a new offer? You can’t control whether people will buy it; you can only control the energy you invest into creating the best offer and launch you can.
Anything worth getting is going to take a willingness to accept the things you can’t control, and be willing to focus on what you can.
💭Question: What is within my control in this situation, and what is not?
☀️Affirmation: "I focus on what I can control, like the energy I bring to my day.”
6. Certainty
Have you ever wanted to try something new, but you hesitated because you weren’t sure it would work out the way you hope? Maybe you wanted to leave a job, relationship, or commitment – but the fear of the unknown kept you sticking around for longer than you wanted.
We all love feeling certain about the future – it gives us the same safe, secure feeling as having control. It’s easy to make choices when we know what the outcome will be.
But if you’ve been hesitating to take a big leap because you’re not sure it will work out the way you want, it’s time to release the need for certainty and accept that you just won’t know the outcome until it arrives. And it won’t arrive until you show up and take action!
💭Question: What’s the one piece of information I need to feel confident in my decision? Can I get it? If not, what do I need to remind myself in order to move forward anyway?
☀️Affirmation: "I accept uncertainty and focus on my next step.”
7. Productivity
Most of us internalize the idea that our worth is a product of how much we achieve. We learn that we’re not moving forward in life unless we’re doing, striving, and making things happen.
But when you feel unmotivated, uninspired, and directionless, that’s a good sign that you’ve been focusing on productivity at the expense of your physical and mental health.
If you’ve ever confided in a therapist, partner, or friend about a difficult challenge, you know that sometimes the greatest impact comes from simply being present.
If you’ve ever paused on a hike to gaze out at the view and just take it all in, you know that the most profound and transformative moments involve very little striving.
This can be a difficult one to let go of, if you’ve spent many years prizing productivity above everything else. Committing to spend time doing nothing, and simply being, can feel almost impossible.
But just like your immune system, your body and soul will do the work for you when they have sufficient rest, space, and time to work with! So begin releasing the need to be productive, give yourself the rest you need, and your inspiration will reignite before you know it.
💭Question: Which of my needs have I been neglecting in order to be “productive”?
☀️Affirmation: "My presence is valuable. I bring light into the world by simply being.”
8. Feeling “ready”
Know this: You are ready long before you feel ready!
When was the last time you wanted to take action, but kept putting it off until some vague point in the future when you’d finally feel ready?
Yes, it’s important to check in with your heart and intuition, and slow down when we need to… but FEAR has a way of sneaking into that conversation and imposing its own agenda: keeping you safe!
So what’s that thing you want to do, but don’t feel 100% ready for yet? Six months ago, did you imagine that you’d feel ready by now? Chances are, you won’t feel more ready until you start taking action.
So release the need to feel ready for the entire journey ahead, and choose to remind yourself that you are ready for just the first step. After that, you’ll be ready for the next one. And so on!
💭Question: When have I taken action before I felt 100% ready, and how did I manage it?
☀️Affirmation: "I am ready for the next step.”
9. Perfection
I can’t tell you how much content is sitting on my hard drive from 2018, when I first started my business. Tons of blog posts, freebies, Instagram posts, podcast drafts, and emails that have never seen the light of day – just because I decided they weren’t “perfect” enough for anyone to see!
The truth is, perfection is a myth. There will always be someone who looks at your “perfect” creation and finds fault – and there will always be someone who looks at your reject pile and finds exactly what they were looking for.
Even your imperfect creations can make a massive difference for someone today. Even that post you wrote and discarded can change the game for someone today.
Done is always better than perfect, so release perfection and commit to putting something GOOD into the world!
💭Question: What are the benefits of releasing this into the world even when it’s imperfect?
☀️Affirmation: "It doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful.”
10. Judgment
Judgment is the perfect coping mechanism – it takes zero effort, it feels good in the moment, and there are no immediate consequences. But the funny thing about judgment is this: the more we judge, the more alone we feel, and the more we fear being judged.
Judgment can look like:
They are wrong. I am right.
I am bad at this. They are better than me.
They shouldn’t have done that.
I’m working harder, but they’re earning more.
Judgment isn’t about putting others down – it’s any thought that distances us from others and makes us feel separate – either better or worse off than someone else.
Judgment is an impulse we can never eliminate… I have judgmental thoughts every day. But if we can learn to observe those judgments compassionately, without buying into or identifying with them, we can remind ourselves that we are all connected and part of the same whole, and there’s no need to compare or label anyone, including ourselves.
💭Question: What do my recent judgments reveal about myself that needs healing and compassion?
☀️Affirmation: "I love others by accepting them. I love myself by accepting myself.”
How to let go
Releasing what no longer serves you frees you up to receive and experience more of what you desire. And it all begins in the moment you are willing to set that new intention for yourself!
For example… “Until now, I’ve held onto the need for certainty because it made me feel safe. But now I realize that what I truly want is fulfillment and to pursue my dreams, because this is my life and I deserve to live it on my terms.”
You get to decide when it’s time to let go — to accept how it has served you up until now, and set a new intention. 🧡
Recap
The 10 things you need to release in order to get what you want are:
Approval
Safety
Old stories
Past/future
Control
Certainty
Productivity
Feeling “ready”
Perfection
Judgment
If you’re feeling the nudge to release these so you can move forward with ease, the Elevate & Align Journal is designed to support you! It’s free to download, so find a cozy spot, pour your favorite drink, and let’s dive into your business together:
If you'd like support in your coaching business and taking confident action without fear getting in the way, I'd love to support you on that level – click here to learn about private coaching and how we can work together ♥
Always in your corner,
ashley
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